Creature Comforts N°5
A relaxing little (late) Sunday self-care to replenish and reset yourself for the week ahead—from your Guardian Angel of the Lagoon.
When I first stopped drinking, my world got smaller. I quit going out and experimented with hermit life. Avoiding life things was quite effective—until it wasn’t. I said goodbye to temptation and hello to navel-gazing. Have you heard of this weird term?
Navel-gazing is not the practice of staring wistfully at a juicy Navel Orange. The Cambridge dictionary describes it well enough:
Navel-Gazing (n.)
US /ˈneɪ.vəlˌɡeɪ.zɪŋ/ UK /ˈneɪ.vəlˌɡeɪ.zɪŋ/
the activity of spending too much time considering your own thoughts, feelings, or problems:
Ex. 1: One major pitfall in writing is sliding into navel-gazing.
Ex. 2: You wonder how the characters ever get anything done when so much of their lives is consumed by navel gazing.
Protecting myself from being vulnerable created a whole new vulnerability.
I’m not going to lie here—I deeply enjoy the hermit life. Reading, writing, organizing my books by color, deep cleaning the house, baking, yard work, hell I could stay home for months and never grow bored. It’s just as much of a curse as it is a blessing though.
As I settled deeper and deeper into this life of avoiding things outside my home, I lost touch with reality. I distanced myself from my community, my partner, the in-laws, my landlord, friends and family. I started becoming overly concerned with my inner world. I descended into this thing called navel-gazing.
Self-reflection is like pizza—very good and filling, but too much can make you sick.
Don’t get me wrong! Self-reflection is definitely valuable, especially in sobriety. It’s the key to personal growth, building self-esteem, and recovering your sense of self-efficacy. Reflecting on the state of my own little life is exactly what prompted me to stop drinking for a few days, then a few weeks, then a few months.
Reflecting revealed plenty. It stripped me bare so I could really dig deep. Then, eventually (and I can’t say exactly when because it was slow and gradual) this productive practice of self-reflection took a turn into self-possessiveness. My whole world became a therapy sesh. I was just constantly analyzing myself, my relationships, decisions, career, missed opportunities, past experiences, etc.
I replaced the compulsion for a glass of wine with the compulsion for self-analysis. It became quite isolating. My world shrank slowly, almost imperceptibly. Last week shook me out of this emotional deprivation tank. I read the news. War struck and there was bloodshed. Suddenly my sobriety felt small. There were larger things to think about.
This is NOT to minimize the AF lifestyle, or addiction recovery, or rehab, or anything of the sort. It’s major. It’s groundbreaking. It’s also a slice of life. Just a slice. There’s a lot left to think about, to consume, to consider, to care about. When you set out to drink less, or to not drink at all, you have to do whatever you have to do move forward. There does, however, come the time to change again. The world needs your chin up and it’s pretty hard to keep your chin up while you’re navel-gazing.
On the Menu for the week of October 15, 2023
• If you’re down to get a little uncomfortable in the name of growth, this week is a great opportunity. Get out of your shell. Trust yourself to bob and weave as you encounter new stimuli. Maybe something excited awaits you.
• What’s something that you used to freakin’ love to do? What was your idea of fun as a child? What thrills you to the core? Consider this a journal prompt.
• Volunteer yourself in some way. Ask your neighbor about their day. Pay for the person behind you at the coffeeshop. Donate an afternoon to playing bingo at a retirement home. Walk a pup at your local humane society. Call your grandma. You matter, and once you can grasp that, consider loosening your grip on self-analysis. By all means, reflect. But get out into the big scary world too. We all miss you out here :-)
I love navel-gazing... That sounds weird. Why would I say that? Oh, because it's true! The act of self-reflection is a critical element of self-awareness. Without self-awareness, we obstruct free passage for others and ourselves.
Much like trying to drive past a cow standing on the path... The cow may turn away from the road, but stops making headway as soon as her head is out of the way (couldn't help myself) and her ass is still in the road. Now her head's lack of awareness of her ass has everyone mired.
Excessive self-reflection may lend itself to self-centeredness or self-importance or plain ol' selfishness. Or the extreme opposite, self-depracation. Neither seeks awareness and understanding, but self-indulgence. When you equate that inward search of the self to actual navel-gazing you take away some of the appeal...
How many people want to be caught navel-gazing? Damn few, I imagine. Damn few.
The expression also reminds me of the delight and satisfaction I witnessed when my diaper-clad baby brother "discovered" his belly button, squealed and commenced playing with it every chance he could get.